So what I will do for the rest of Lent remains to be determined...more than likely I still will not wear make-up 90% of the time so the Lord can continue to work on my heart...I continue to be excited for the journey......
In Christ,
Meg
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Free!
The Lord released me. It only took about 2 weeks, and he released me. He apparently did the work He needed to do in my heart in regards to the make-up thing, and He said to me on Monday, You can do what you want...if you want to wear it, I give you permission to... Interestingly enough, I haven't worn it all week. I just have gotten used to myself without it and am fine with not wearing it. I've become comfortable in my own skin. I think this needed to happen. Heart changes are a good thing...especially if it brings our creator more glory!!!
So what I will do for the rest of Lent remains to be determined...more than likely I still will not wear make-up 90% of the time so the Lord can continue to work on my heart...I continue to be excited for the journey......
So what I will do for the rest of Lent remains to be determined...more than likely I still will not wear make-up 90% of the time so the Lord can continue to work on my heart...I continue to be excited for the journey......
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Shock of the day.....
Something amazing happened today. I finally came to the realization that I am not ugly without make up. I am not saying this in a conceited way. I'm not saying I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, because I honestly don't think that. I'm just average. But I was just surprised that I felt this way. I had this strange feeling it would take the Lord almost the whole time of Lent to get me past this idea that without make-up, I am ugly. So the fact that I felt that maybe I'm not ugly without it after only a week was rather surprising.
A few years ago, every time I would look in the mirror, I would hear You are beautiful. or You are stunning. I kind-of began to freak out. Was this ME thinking this?! If that was me thinking that I don't want to think things like that!! How conceited is that?!? I didn't want to have some strange sense of security and act all pompous about something that is totally stupid. I started asking the Lord about it, and that's when He showed me that it was Him saying that to me. He was telling me what He thinks of me. I just didn't believe it.
Stripping myself of that false sense of security has actually been good for me so far. It has made me get my security from Him. Not from outward things.
I probably will never see exactly what He sees in me, but that's ok. I'm completely content with things right now. More so than I ever thought I could be.
A few years ago, every time I would look in the mirror, I would hear You are beautiful. or You are stunning. I kind-of began to freak out. Was this ME thinking this?! If that was me thinking that I don't want to think things like that!! How conceited is that?!? I didn't want to have some strange sense of security and act all pompous about something that is totally stupid. I started asking the Lord about it, and that's when He showed me that it was Him saying that to me. He was telling me what He thinks of me. I just didn't believe it.
Stripping myself of that false sense of security has actually been good for me so far. It has made me get my security from Him. Not from outward things.
I probably will never see exactly what He sees in me, but that's ok. I'm completely content with things right now. More so than I ever thought I could be.
In Christ,
Meg
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Which Path??
As long as I live, I think there will always be one thing I never understand. I will never understand how you can have such an amazing day, feeling full of the love of Jesus, walking in the power of the Holy Spirit, excited for what the Lord has for you, worship and praise Him at church...and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you want to hide. You want everyone to leave you alone. You want to move to the middle of nowhere Vermont and become a hermit. I will never understand how this can happen so quickly. Of all the things that Jesus has helped me overcome, this is one thing that I still struggle with. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I plain and simply do not like a lack of peace. Maybe it's because I don't like dischord. Or a lack of harmony. All I know is, it somehow still seems to happen with me far more often than I would like. It's that moment...that moment that I have to decide...do I bow down to the feelings and let them overtake me, or do I turn away, rejecting those things that I KNOW are not from the Lord and focus again on Him and let His joy fill me? The only other thing I know is that it is my choice what I decide to do. The Lord puts the choice before me, and from that point on, it's my choice.
We can choose to love or to hate. We can choose to forgive or hold a grudge. We can choose to bow down to every feeling that comes our way, or we can choose to resist those feelings we know are not from God. But it is ultimately our choice. Our parents can't make us decide, friends can't, and the Lord Himself does not make us decide. It's up to us. Which path will you take?
I think I know what I'll choose.
We can choose to love or to hate. We can choose to forgive or hold a grudge. We can choose to bow down to every feeling that comes our way, or we can choose to resist those feelings we know are not from God. But it is ultimately our choice. Our parents can't make us decide, friends can't, and the Lord Himself does not make us decide. It's up to us. Which path will you take?
I think I know what I'll choose.
In Christ,
Meg
Friday, February 22, 2013
Mush
I'm not really sure what the Holy Spirit did to me today, but it was clearly something.
I'm mush. Total mush. He made my heart into one great big pile of mushiness, just as mushy and soft as melting snow. He totally broke my heart for people once again. All I wanted to do was sit in my chair and cry for an hour tonight over people. Just cry and cry...
I still have had my ups and downs with the make up thing. But it's slowly becoming less and less. Today, all I could think was, "Can I just wear it tomorrow?! I don't want people to see me without it!" But I won't do it. I'll stick to what I feel I'm supposed to do. However, as I said before, the Lord is making me focus more on OTHERS, and less on me. To realize that Jesus ultimately thinks I'm beautiful and that a beautiful heart is far more valuable to Him. I hope He totally breaks me of this feeling the need to wear it so people will think I'm beautiful. I'd rather have people see a beautiful heart that Jesus changed...make up or not...
I feel filled with this love that could only come from the Lord, and I am so grateful for that. If that's all He accomplishes with this, that will be enough for me...
I'm mush. Total mush. He made my heart into one great big pile of mushiness, just as mushy and soft as melting snow. He totally broke my heart for people once again. All I wanted to do was sit in my chair and cry for an hour tonight over people. Just cry and cry...
I still have had my ups and downs with the make up thing. But it's slowly becoming less and less. Today, all I could think was, "Can I just wear it tomorrow?! I don't want people to see me without it!" But I won't do it. I'll stick to what I feel I'm supposed to do. However, as I said before, the Lord is making me focus more on OTHERS, and less on me. To realize that Jesus ultimately thinks I'm beautiful and that a beautiful heart is far more valuable to Him. I hope He totally breaks me of this feeling the need to wear it so people will think I'm beautiful. I'd rather have people see a beautiful heart that Jesus changed...make up or not...
I feel filled with this love that could only come from the Lord, and I am so grateful for that. If that's all He accomplishes with this, that will be enough for me...
In Christ,
Meg
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Day 2 Struggles
I can't do this. I thought to myself. I looked in the mirror and the thoughts continued, Ugh! I look terrible! I am ugly!! Yeah, yesterday was kinda tough. Today was a little tough at first...but seeing how Jesus changed my heart and outlook over the day was quite amazing...
It's not that I COULDN'T do this...it was more like I didn't want to. This has been particularly hard for me...and I'm only a few days into it. This is even more difficult than the Lord asking me to give up coffee 4 years ago for Lent. I thought that would kill me, but it didn't. This won't either...I know it. Truth be told though, I really didn't feel like listening to His request. Which is probably why it took me three days into Lent to give in. I was resistant. Then I gave in, and rather begrudgingly decided to go forward with wearing no make up for the rest of Lent. I did it with no joy, a bad attitude, and quite honestly, rather frustrated and upset about it. I really did not want to do this. I did not want people to see me without make up on. AT. ALL. In fact, earlier today, and yesterday, I thought to myself, How many more days until Lent is over?! I was almost even tempted to count the days until I could start to wear make up again. What a great attitude I had. The usually quick to obey Jesus me was nowhere to be found. I sometimes think that I obey Him when it is convenient for me and sorry Jesus, this is just not convenient for me. Try again Meg. Obedience often does not mean convenience and quite often means sacrifice.
But then today, something rather interesting happened. The Lord began to change my attitude. He began to remove some of my selfishness and self-consciousness and focus on the people around me. He slowly began to open my eyes to things around me. He also gently spoke to my heart, telling me that a beautiful spirit was worth much more than a beautiful exterior. This was only temporary that He was asking me to do this, and I needed a different attitude. To really focus on having a tender, caring, beautiful heart before Him. To focus more on OTHERS externally rather than how I look externally. By the time I had gotten to the gym and I was working out, listening to music, I felt His presence so strongly I had such a sweet worship time with Him even among all the other things going on in there.
Today Bobbi commented on how I wasn't wearing any make up and I told her I gave it up for Lent and kind-of why. I also shared with her how hard it was for me...she said to me, "Megan! You have a beautiful face!" I just don't see that. I say none of the things here to make myself sound awesome, because trust me, I'm not. I'm just another broken, sinful person trying to find her way and serve a perfect, amazing God. I'm just simply sharing my attitudes and how Jesus is working in me.
I hope and pray that He will inspire you as well to have a beautiful inside. The inside is far more important. And I'll continue to share my struggles and successes with the Lord over Lent. I think this is going to be awesome.
It's not that I COULDN'T do this...it was more like I didn't want to. This has been particularly hard for me...and I'm only a few days into it. This is even more difficult than the Lord asking me to give up coffee 4 years ago for Lent. I thought that would kill me, but it didn't. This won't either...I know it. Truth be told though, I really didn't feel like listening to His request. Which is probably why it took me three days into Lent to give in. I was resistant. Then I gave in, and rather begrudgingly decided to go forward with wearing no make up for the rest of Lent. I did it with no joy, a bad attitude, and quite honestly, rather frustrated and upset about it. I really did not want to do this. I did not want people to see me without make up on. AT. ALL. In fact, earlier today, and yesterday, I thought to myself, How many more days until Lent is over?! I was almost even tempted to count the days until I could start to wear make up again. What a great attitude I had. The usually quick to obey Jesus me was nowhere to be found. I sometimes think that I obey Him when it is convenient for me and sorry Jesus, this is just not convenient for me. Try again Meg. Obedience often does not mean convenience and quite often means sacrifice.
But then today, something rather interesting happened. The Lord began to change my attitude. He began to remove some of my selfishness and self-consciousness and focus on the people around me. He slowly began to open my eyes to things around me. He also gently spoke to my heart, telling me that a beautiful spirit was worth much more than a beautiful exterior. This was only temporary that He was asking me to do this, and I needed a different attitude. To really focus on having a tender, caring, beautiful heart before Him. To focus more on OTHERS externally rather than how I look externally. By the time I had gotten to the gym and I was working out, listening to music, I felt His presence so strongly I had such a sweet worship time with Him even among all the other things going on in there.
Today Bobbi commented on how I wasn't wearing any make up and I told her I gave it up for Lent and kind-of why. I also shared with her how hard it was for me...she said to me, "Megan! You have a beautiful face!" I just don't see that. I say none of the things here to make myself sound awesome, because trust me, I'm not. I'm just another broken, sinful person trying to find her way and serve a perfect, amazing God. I'm just simply sharing my attitudes and how Jesus is working in me.
I hope and pray that He will inspire you as well to have a beautiful inside. The inside is far more important. And I'll continue to share my struggles and successes with the Lord over Lent. I think this is going to be awesome.
In Christ,
Meg
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
The Journey...
The Lord asked me to do something that is going to be a bit hard for me. He asked me to not wear make up during Lent.
Trust me, I know how this sounds. It sounds really vain. It is. That's probably why He asked me to give it up. To humble me. I could use more humility, trust me.
I started it this past weekend. I didn't quit the make-up the first day of Lent, even though I could kind-of tell the Lord wanted me to do something like that. I am ashamed to say I sort-of ignored it. But as the first few days went on, I felt more and more that I needed to do this.
I have had all sorts of interesting thoughts in my mind over the last few days. At first, all I could do was sit there and think to myself, "oh my gosh, what are people thinking of me?" And other things like, "They are probably thinking that I'm not very pretty." Yes ladies and gentlemen, these are some thoughts I had. No joke. I was very self-conscious about it.
Today, some of the kids have commented...one of them told me I looked tired. Ha! Another one told me I looked different. This should be a good experience for me. Especially because I think I tend to "hide" behind the make up. I honestly feel "naked" without it. Plus, it probably makes me look like I'm about 18. HAHA!!
So, I decided something...that will be the focus of my Lenten journey. I will try to blog as often as I can about it, and be very real with it...and also try to focus on being beautiful on the inside...which is far more important. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." ~1 Peter 3:3-4. I just want the Lord to grow more of His character in me and not care so much about external things...so here we go!!!
No make-up!!!
Trust me, I know how this sounds. It sounds really vain. It is. That's probably why He asked me to give it up. To humble me. I could use more humility, trust me.
I started it this past weekend. I didn't quit the make-up the first day of Lent, even though I could kind-of tell the Lord wanted me to do something like that. I am ashamed to say I sort-of ignored it. But as the first few days went on, I felt more and more that I needed to do this.
I have had all sorts of interesting thoughts in my mind over the last few days. At first, all I could do was sit there and think to myself, "oh my gosh, what are people thinking of me?" And other things like, "They are probably thinking that I'm not very pretty." Yes ladies and gentlemen, these are some thoughts I had. No joke. I was very self-conscious about it.
Today, some of the kids have commented...one of them told me I looked tired. Ha! Another one told me I looked different. This should be a good experience for me. Especially because I think I tend to "hide" behind the make up. I honestly feel "naked" without it. Plus, it probably makes me look like I'm about 18. HAHA!!
So, I decided something...that will be the focus of my Lenten journey. I will try to blog as often as I can about it, and be very real with it...and also try to focus on being beautiful on the inside...which is far more important. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." ~1 Peter 3:3-4. I just want the Lord to grow more of His character in me and not care so much about external things...so here we go!!!
In Christ,
Meg
Thursday, February 14, 2013
What is Love?
There were many, many years I thought I knew what love was. I was wrong. I listened to what the world said love was, not what scripture said. I was filled with all these expectations and ideas...believing magazines and movies...and I had all those expectations and ideas shattered. In fact, after my first major relationship ended, I really didn't know what the heck love was...not what it looked like, felt like...nothing. It had been so twisted in my mind that I wasn't sure which direction was up or which was down. It has taken Jesus awhile to show me...not that I am an expert, because TRUST ME - I AM NOT. I have much to learn...I think it is a life long process of learning what love is.
Love is something so wonderful, but hurts so gosh darn much at the same time. Love is that, "Wow, I had no idea this was going to be so difficult" feeling, mixed with, "We can take on the world!" It's that "I miss him so much it hurts" feeling...which never really goes away. I know that love is definitely much much more than a feeling. It's mostly a choice. After all, the person we love will often fail us, and we will fail them. It's part of human nature. But we choose to love someone. Each and every day. Be that a spouse, a family member, a friend...it's a choice. Plus, it's also major sacrifice...it will definitely cost us something. Time, money, ourselves...it will cost a lot. It is also about serving. Thinking about the other person, trying to serve them in whatever way is possible.
I know I have openly professed my disdain for Valentine's Day before, but I think the part of Valentine's Day I dislike is what it has been made into. I feel there are too many expectations, too much pressure put on people on this day. A lot of it comes from the female side, too. The flowers, the dinner out, the jewlery...all of these expectations put on men is just unecessary. I know, I'm getting on a soap box here and probably coming across very opinionated, but I feel that love should be cherished, appreciated and celebrated each day, not just on Valentine's day. I don't dislike the day or holiday itself, or what it represents. I think love is a wonderful thing. I like wearing pink or red, cheerily saying, "Happy Valentine's Day!" to people I see and eating a little dark chocolate. It's the over-the-topness of it all that gets to me.
Scripture tells us:
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
This is really what love is. This scripture is talking about more than just romantic love, the mushy-gushy feelings that you have when you first begin to fall in love with someone. It's a deeper kind of love...the kind that withstands anything - good and bad. This is the same kind of love found in Jesus. He demonstrated the ultimate love when He died for our sins on the cross. He is the ultimate Valentine.
So I hope that more than anything, on this Valentine's Day, you can get to know the ultimate love and Valentine...Jesus. Because without Him, love would be meaningless.
"We love, because He first loved us." ~1 John 4:19
Love is something so wonderful, but hurts so gosh darn much at the same time. Love is that, "Wow, I had no idea this was going to be so difficult" feeling, mixed with, "We can take on the world!" It's that "I miss him so much it hurts" feeling...which never really goes away. I know that love is definitely much much more than a feeling. It's mostly a choice. After all, the person we love will often fail us, and we will fail them. It's part of human nature. But we choose to love someone. Each and every day. Be that a spouse, a family member, a friend...it's a choice. Plus, it's also major sacrifice...it will definitely cost us something. Time, money, ourselves...it will cost a lot. It is also about serving. Thinking about the other person, trying to serve them in whatever way is possible.
I know I have openly professed my disdain for Valentine's Day before, but I think the part of Valentine's Day I dislike is what it has been made into. I feel there are too many expectations, too much pressure put on people on this day. A lot of it comes from the female side, too. The flowers, the dinner out, the jewlery...all of these expectations put on men is just unecessary. I know, I'm getting on a soap box here and probably coming across very opinionated, but I feel that love should be cherished, appreciated and celebrated each day, not just on Valentine's day. I don't dislike the day or holiday itself, or what it represents. I think love is a wonderful thing. I like wearing pink or red, cheerily saying, "Happy Valentine's Day!" to people I see and eating a little dark chocolate. It's the over-the-topness of it all that gets to me.
Scripture tells us:
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
This is really what love is. This scripture is talking about more than just romantic love, the mushy-gushy feelings that you have when you first begin to fall in love with someone. It's a deeper kind of love...the kind that withstands anything - good and bad. This is the same kind of love found in Jesus. He demonstrated the ultimate love when He died for our sins on the cross. He is the ultimate Valentine.
So I hope that more than anything, on this Valentine's Day, you can get to know the ultimate love and Valentine...Jesus. Because without Him, love would be meaningless.
"We love, because He first loved us." ~1 John 4:19
In Christ,
Meg
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Our Plans, His Plans...
Today was kind-of rough.
Maybe a little better than yesterday, but still kind-of rough.
The flu? Not part of my plan. Staying home from work for probably 3 days? Also not part of my plan. Saying stupid things to people? Not part of my plan. I have learned that rarely in life do things go how we want them to or how we plan them to.
But yes, of course, there I went...saying dumb things. And afterwards, I felt no end to the amount of guilt. It was done though, and I couldn't take it back. Why do I do things I don't want to do, and fail to do things I want to do? Because I'm a sinful person who is only saved by the grace of Christ. He makes everything new, and better in His way and time. I trust that's what He will do here.
In the meantime, I need to lean on Him more and be more careful about what I say. I need more of Him, more of His grace, more of His Word...simplicity and quiet.
19 years ago today, my entire world was changed. My life over the last 19 years has not been at all what I had planned. However, I have discovered that often times, the things I thought I wanted, and all the wonderful "plans" I had made were not what would have been best for me after all. God's plans are better than ours.
So to my dad - who I have been blessed with over these last 19 years...I love you. You are an example of how we should all live our lives...grateful, humble, loving others, being kind to others...man I hope I can be more like that. Because there are so many times that I am not. Thank you for all you have done for me, all you have taught me...I still have so much to learn...
Maybe a little better than yesterday, but still kind-of rough.
The flu? Not part of my plan. Staying home from work for probably 3 days? Also not part of my plan. Saying stupid things to people? Not part of my plan. I have learned that rarely in life do things go how we want them to or how we plan them to.
But yes, of course, there I went...saying dumb things. And afterwards, I felt no end to the amount of guilt. It was done though, and I couldn't take it back. Why do I do things I don't want to do, and fail to do things I want to do? Because I'm a sinful person who is only saved by the grace of Christ. He makes everything new, and better in His way and time. I trust that's what He will do here.
In the meantime, I need to lean on Him more and be more careful about what I say. I need more of Him, more of His grace, more of His Word...simplicity and quiet.
19 years ago today, my entire world was changed. My life over the last 19 years has not been at all what I had planned. However, I have discovered that often times, the things I thought I wanted, and all the wonderful "plans" I had made were not what would have been best for me after all. God's plans are better than ours.
So to my dad - who I have been blessed with over these last 19 years...I love you. You are an example of how we should all live our lives...grateful, humble, loving others, being kind to others...man I hope I can be more like that. Because there are so many times that I am not. Thank you for all you have done for me, all you have taught me...I still have so much to learn...
In Christ,
Meg
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