I also have felt persecuted at times by some coworkers and also like a big, fat screw-up. Both of these things have made me feel like I want to "hide".
It is times like these though that once I am able to finally step back, take a break and look at things from God's perspective I see things more clearly.
People are not out to get me. Many of the times things happen because people themselves operate out of their own pain. And on top of that, people have their own things they are dealing with, just as I have my own things I am dealing with.
Speaking of persecution, Paul faced far greater persecution than I am, and he somehow managed to maintain his joy. I am a major spiritual wimp at times. Jesus help me. And Jesus, help me to love others more deeply and see them how you do.
I just don't like it when I see things like this in myself. I wish that really I could just always be joyful and rejoice always as scripture says. How wimpy am I if I can't do that?
I'm sorry for the downer post. My heart is just down today. I know it probably always seems I write when I'm sad....it's probably because that's how I process. Not that I get sad very often, I really don't. But this is just the reality of where I'm at today. I'll try to be more positive, soon.
I guess I could leave with this positive side of things - the kids I work with that always fill my heart with joy...my little "Wiggles and Giggles" ....I love these two as if they were my own kids. And I think they love me too. I sorta wish we could all be like a combination of the two of them....so innocently sweet. Alas, life is not this way. But they make me smile each day. I bump my knee on the table, say "ow!" and Wiggles asks, "You ok?" They always want me to play Uno with them, and Giggles likes to drag me along if he's going somewhere unfamiliar. So even in the rain, there's always a rainbow.
In Christ,
Meg
