Kids.....

So I think I understand why Jesus loved kids.

Kids are just plain and simply beautiful.  Yes, I know. They have their moments when they are NOT beautiful.  They get crabby.  They are not always nice, nor do they always behave perfectly.  Well who does?  But if you cut down to the core of it and look past all of that stuff, they are just beautiful and, in my opinion, they act how a lot of adults should act more often. 

If only I could tell you all the stories of how they have brought so much joy and laughter into my life.  I love my job for that reason, plus I get to help them with things they struggle with - and I love to help people.  When I first felt called to go into speech language pathology, I decided I was going to work with adults with brain injuries like my dad.  God had different ideas.

I had two practicum placements in schools and I fell in love with working with kids.  I also found out I was quite gifted with them...I had no idea.  They were so full of life and energy and had so much ahead of them...it just fit me perfectly.  So God changed my plan, and I am really grateful He did!!

I have these two little boys that I see who are in first grade and let me tell you, they are the joy of my life.  I think I love them as much as if they were my own kids.  They have the best senses of humor, and are just so sweet and funny....I think they could probably get away with just about anything and I wouldn't care.  The other day, I had a sensory turkey (this giant turkey I had made on construction paper with different "feathers" that had items glued on. We were working on describing what they felt and saw).  One of the items was googly eyes.  The one little boy said, "Eeeeeeew!! Mr. Eyeballs!" I cracked up.  My other favorite was another time when we were playing vocab bingo and were going through all of the items on the sheet to make sure they knew what they all were.  When I got to "jeans" and asked, "What are these?" the other little boy said, "Skinny jeans!!"  Again, I cracked up.  There are at least 100 other stories like that. 

Plus, all the hugs.  I get hugs from kids I don't even know!  At the beginning of this year, on our home/child School Day, I was helping with the interpreter portion of the night, and when I went out to get the Somali kids in from outside, this one little girl who I didn't even know was smiling at me, staring at me as she was walking towards the door.  She got up to me and threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug.  My heart melted.  It reminds me of Canada sometimes. 

So anyway, kids are awesome.  They may test my patience at times, but I for one second don't regret what I do and I love what God has called me to do.  He is by far wiser than we are. :)

In Christ,

Meg 

CANADA.....my heart is there....

This is killing me.  Inside, that is.  My heart longs for a place I go only once a year for 10 days....Sandy Bay.

It was interesting how this all came about in the first place.  Fall 2009 I felt like God was calling me to go on a mission trip.  To me, this was out of left field.  But at the same time, I don't think I should say that, because if I look back on things and how I am as a person, it makes sense.  Now, looking back on it, it was there all along...  So, I felt this calling but had no idea where, or how or anything.  Thanksgiving weekend I was at church, and was flipping through what all was going on in Hosanna!, and I saw they were having a meeting in January about going to Canada to teach Vacation Bible School.  This was one of those "God things" that people always talk about.  I thought to myself, Oh what's this? I'll check this out.  Little did I know that this would be one of the biggest God-altering moves of my life.

I went to the meeting in January, and for whatever reason, decided to go.  I literally had no idea why or what I was getting myself into.  About a month after I decided to go, the spiritual warfare began big time.  It was mostly physical stuff, just getting sick, not feeling well and then the icing on the cake was in May when I got this mysterious illness I had no idea what it was, and neither did my doctor.  I kept getting headaches, and I NEVER get headaches.  Ever.  Eventually they determined what I had was the shingles.  Yeah, no joke.  On my head, no less!  Diane Grobe (who went to Canada with us that year) said I had some major divine protection because having the shingles on your head can kill you...and especially with them not knowing for weeks what it was...

After that happened, and I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stress I was under, I said to my mom, "Maybe I shouldn't go..."  She looked at me and said, "No. You HAVE to go. All those people are counting on you!!"  I also had the feeling that this was somewhat a ploy from the enemy to get me to try to back out.  So I decided that I needed to go. 

I was nervous on the drive up, and was under some spiritual attacks, but I was with a group of such strong believers that there was lots of prayer and I could feel God beginning to change me already....especially the second night when we were in Flin Flon, staying at the Prospector Inn.  The second night we are in Canada, we have team time where we worship and pray.  We were having prayer time in one of the hotel rooms and I knew Randy was supposed to pray for me.  So I went to him for prayer and the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor, covered by a blanket.  The Holy Spirit had taken me down in a pretty powerful way, and that was the beginning of the change inside of me...the REAL, HUGE change.

Sunday we headed to Pelican Narrows for church before the Sandy Bay team split off to head to Sandy...(it's another hour from Pelican).  On the car ride I was filled with nervous excitement and anticipation.  I really wasn't sure what to expect...but I will never, ever forget what I felt when I got there...

I got out of the car, and my heart instantly melted and broke at the same time, and I fell in love with the beautiful people of God I saw before me.  I also felt like I had come home.....to a place I had never been or heard of.  Every time I go back I say to myself, "I'm home." 

This summer in Sandy was the best summer I had ever had there.  I think it was because I had stopped hiding and stopped worrying about how inadequate I am and all the things I lack and am unable to do and I just let Jesus work through me.  I quit focusing on my insecurities and focused on Christ.  I just showed up and let Him use me how He saw fit.  And that's really what He wants from us.  Not perfection, not having it all together...but just a willing heart. (The fact that I am writing this right now is giving me some revelation to other areas of my life...)

So essentially, what I am saying is that half the time my mind is up in Sandy Bay, and pretty sure my heart is there more than that.  I wish there was a way for me to just get there quicker...actually I would move there if God told me to.  The people there have become more than just people...they have become dear friends and family in Christ.  Sometimes it's hard to be one place and wish you were in another.....

In Christ,

Meg

 

Whom Shall I Fear?

"Fear not" is the most used command in the Bible.  So there is clearly a reason for that.  However, fear was something I struggled with for a long time.  Realistically, I still do at times - although definitely not as often or even as intense as it has been.  Jesus pretty much took care of that chain for me.  Yet there was a time in my life fear nearly paralyzed me. 

My dad was in a train accident when I was 13, and he almost died.  That event caused me a lot of problems, and one of those problems it created was fear. 

The list of the fears I had were long.  When I say long, I mean long.  This was more than just a "I'm scared of spiders" fear or "I can't stand heights!!", it was deep and intense, and quite irrational.  This would range from things like, "I'm afraid of failing my classes" to "I'm afraid to drive in bad weather because I might die".  Could I have failed my classes? I guess.  Could I drive in bad weather and die?  Yes.  However, the reaction these (and my many other fears) created were paralyzing and crippling.  That, my friends, is what fear does.  It robs us of what we have right now, where we are right now.  It takes away the beauty and gift of the moment.  It causes us to act in ways that are not "normal" or good. 

I had a tendency to "freak out" about certain things.  I would white-knuckle it in the car if I was driving or if I was with someone and I was scared about the weather conditions.  I also had a major fear of losing people.  Because of this fear, I didn't want people to get too close to me but yet at the same time I also craved that closeness.  It was brutal.  I didn't know what to do. 

January 2006 I ended up starting counseling to help me deal with the myriad of issues that had appeared due to my dad's accident.  That was also when I started to get closer to God.  I had believed in Jesus my whole life, but my relationship with Him was shallow at best.  My relationship with the Father was also shallow.  I am one of those odd cases who had a great relationship with the Holy Spirit.  Thinking about it now it's so weird to me that I did because the Holy Spirit is so unpredictable, and I needed to have order and control in my life or else the fear got really intense.  Whatever it was about Him did not scare me though, and it was because God knew this that He used Him to draw me closer to Himself.  The other thing that is funny about this is the fact that I don't think I was even fully aware of this.  I mean, I had always sensed this good "presence" around me - which was definitely the Holy Spirit - but it wasn't until God let me to start watching Joyce Meyer that I began to learn more about the Holy Spirit and Who He was. 

In January 2008 I recommitted my life to Christ - telling Him that my life was His and He could do with me what He wanted.  What was the first thing He wanted me to do?  Let go of my number one fear: the fear of not having control.  In my own mind I was thinking : Anything but THAT, Lord!! Please?!  But God showed me that if I let go of the control, He would be there to catch me.  At first, it was horrible. And terrifying.  I felt like I was in a hurricane all the time.  As if I really had any control in the first place?  Despite this, I (quite reluctantly) gradually let go of the control.  And God prooved to be Who His Word said He was.  He was faithful, and He always caught me. 

Through this whole process He also began to strengthen me in Christ.  Prior to this I was so weak. He had been slowly renewing my mind and showing me who I was in Christ over the last two years through His Word, but once I began to let go of controlling everything, the work really began.  I finally ended an almost 5 year relationship that had not been the best - a fault of both parties involved.  Jesus then had me all to Himself and He kept changing me over the last 4 and a half years. (More about those things another time... :o) ). 

Fear is really just what it is: False Evidence Appearing Real (quote from Joyce Meyer).  Yes, some of the things we are afraid of and worry about could happen, but in all honesty, most of the things that concern us never do come to pass.  "And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his life?" Matthew 6:27.  This is true.  Fear not, friends. God is bigger than any problem we could ever have.  He won't let you down. Even if it seems like what is happening is the worst possible thing in the world, He is faithful and true and will not let you down. 

"For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." ~Jeremiah 29:11

In Christ,

Meg

God's Faithfulness

I had a bad day.  Ok, it was more than one bad day, it was a FEW bad days.  My Lasik surgery on Wednesday had gone very well, but there had only been one little minor setback - when they cut the cornea on my left eye, I had gotten "corneal abrasion", which basically meant that some of the cells of the cornea didn't cut as cleanly so therefore while it was healing my vision in my left eye was a bit blury. Also because of this I had to get up every hour and put drops in my left eye to keep the inflammation down.  And by every hour I meant every hour including ALL. NIGHT. LONG.  That meant that I hadn't slept through the night since Tuesday, and it was Saturday and I was exhausted.

The lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll.  I was emotional, then I was emotion-less. I was grouchy. Oh my goodness was I grouchy.  I was a major space cadet as well.  Plus there was a good friend I wanted to talk to, but just couldn't because I was hurt by something that had happened.  Satan especially likes to mess with me when I'm tired, and that is exactly what he did...and had been doing since Wednesday.  I am talking major, oppressive spiritual warfare here.  I had three melt-downs on Wednesday...something that hasn't happened to me in a L O N G time...

Because I was so tired, I accepted anything he threw my way...not having the will or energy to fight back.  I'm pretty sure that for close to four days, satan just had a couple of oppressive little demons hanging around me, stealing my joy and peace and weighing me down.  I felt I was sinking down into this pit and it kept getting worse and worse...and I also had the worst time eating.  (Which, if you know me, you know is never a problem!!)  I needed Jesus but didn't know how to talk to Him at that moment. 

I went to French Meadow after my eye appointment on Saturday and I hated every single second I was there.  In all the years I have been going to French Meadow I have never EVER hated being there.  Usually I love the atmosphere, the people watching, the noise, the crowd...but not today.  I wanted to leave.  So as soon as the coffee was gone, I was too.  Going to Whole Foods wasn't any better. I swear, if you had seen me...wow.  I was one major space cadet.  I stood in the produce section, staring at the limes for about 5 minutes, trying to put a coherent thought together as to what I needed to buy for the week.  Finally, I gave up and conceeded to the fact that I would just get food in Owatonna if I needed to.  Blah - I hate shopping at the grocery stores down here! 

After going to the gym and finally coming home, I turned on some Hillsong, and feeling totally numb wrapped up in blankets and lay down on the couch.  I had no tears.  I was not angry.  I was empty. And tired.  Bascially every way that I was acting was completely contrary to me and who Christ had made me into these last few years. The happy, bouncy, joyful, easy-going yet intense me was nowhere to be found. 

I put drops in my eyes around 10 and had my alarm set for every hour starting at 11:30 (per usual), and then proceeded to fall asleep...for 2 and a half hours!!!  Or anyway I'm sure I did...I don't remember my alarm going off at 11:30 nor do I remember putting drops in...and after I woke up at 12:30 for the drops the same thing happened again...the next thing I knew it was 2:30 and I didn't remember waking up at 1:30...and I also couldn't find my bottle of drops...then I found it, I had fallen asleep with it in my hand at 12:30 when I woke up....oh such is my life...typical when I don't get "normal" sleep...ha.

Then came today...and that same, oppressive spirit was holding on.  Plus, it physically was making me feel icky.  Fortunately, I had three prayer warriors praying for me and around 4:30 this afternoon, as I was e-mailing and saying, "You should have seen me in the grocery store yesterday...I probably looked high..." I re-read what I wrote and lost it.  Like, full-out belly laugh for 15 minutes.  My stomach hurt and I was practically in tears I was laughing so hard.  I know that really isn't all that funny, but for some reason, it just hit me the right way, and I cracked up.  The first time I had laughed in days.  And that broke it. Then I started making other jokes, and a song came on my I-pod that made me want to groove and at long last, 5 crappy days of warfare were over.  Praise Jesus!!! 

So yes, the Lord is faithful...even when we feel we can't see it. Even when things seem hopeless.  He is there for us.  He won't let us down.  He's the only one Who will always come through.  Trust in Him and His promises.

"...be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down ( relax My hold on you)! [ Assuredly not!]" ~Hebrews 13:5

"Yet the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen [you] and set you on a firm foundation and guard you from the evil [one]." ~II Thessalonians 3:3

In Christ,

Meg