Here it is

I have a concern.  Social media.

Now, let's be honest - I am probably just as addicted to social media as anyone else.  I probably browse Pinterest, check Facebook and Instagram just as much as the 18 year old sitting next to me.  But over the last few months, my concerns have grown. 

What, you may ask, are you concerned about?  A couple of things.

First, that people don't know how to be relational and spend time in real conversations with anyone anymore.  Or that we are with someone without really being WITH them...know what I am saying?  Our friend, spouse, child...whoever - is sitting across from us, trying to chat about something and we are on our phone.  How about we try to be more present?

My other concern is how many of these tools are all about us.  My Facebook page is all about me, my Instagram is all about me.  Me me me me me.  I think we need to be cautious of where we take that. 

My final concern - and possibly the biggest concern of them all is IMAGE.  What do we post?  Things that make us look good.  Feel good.  Give others the impression that we are amazing, do all these awesome things and conquer the world!!  That we are perfect.  Our kids are dressed perfectly, look like they behave perfectly and never have meltdowns.  We look like we have nary a hair out of place and do it all in heels.  Our spouse? "Well look how amazing they are!!  They did X, Y and Z for me...they are perfect."  Or - "Look what I accomplished yesterday!  I cleaned the house, planted a garden, mowed the lawn, washed 10 loads of laundry, got a pedicure and just happened to solve world hunger in the meantime.  Yay. Me. I am SO awesome."  Also - "Look at this missions trip I went on and how I saved these people!"  As though we are responsible for that.  And trust me - I am probably guilty of that one. 

I know.  I am being negative.  I apologize for that.  But as someone who has been hurt many times by the things I have seen on social media, I may have been pushed too far.

So just know this: for every adorable picture I post of my kid, there is also one...maybe two...possibly THREE of her unhappy.  Screaming.  Sad.  For every sweet family photo I post of us there is an equal number of photos I could post where we are not sweet.  Where our sinful human nature takes over and we treat each other in ways I am not proud of.  For every cute picture of Ruthie and I, know there are also ones that I could post that would show a myriad of not very proud mommy moments.  And for the record - I don't save the people on the missions trips - Christ does that.

But I guess that is what grace is all about.  Right?  That's why Christ gave Himself up for us.  For those moments when we would NOT want to post aspects of our lives to social media.  For those moments we don't want to brag about how "awesome we are"...because we yelled at our kid, were not grace-filled towards our spouse, cut someone off in traffic or had a not nice thought about the person next to us.  I do believe that we can use social media for His glory - as I think all things can be used for His glory.  But we need to be careful.  What are our motives?

I wish I could say I never have gotten mad at Ruth or Dan.  That I treated them with utmost dignity and respect.  That my behavior was always sweet, gentle, selfless and sacrificing towards them.  But that would be a lie.  I have hurt them both more times than I care to think about.  And they don't deserve that.  In those moments, I am thankful for His grace.  For without it, I would be in huge trouble.  And I am thankful for His teachable moments....in real life, social media and elsewhere. 

In Christ,

Meg 

Caught By Surprise

I just have to say, that I was caught by surprise.

I never was the girl who dreamed about getting married and having a family since she was 8.  This is not to say I didn't want either of those things.  I always hoped and prayed to find love, get married and have kids, but it was not a very strong desire - not one that was all consuming as it is for others. 

I also was never the girl who wanted to climb the corporate ladder, become uber successful and make all kinds of money and be "important" in the eyes of the world.

I had always wanted to help people.  That was always an important thing for me.  That was what I felt God calling me to do with my life.  I knew this by the time I was a Freshman in high school.  Being as I was exposed to all kinds of things in the medical field, I thought about speech language pathology and physical therapy.  Speech won out.

I headed off to college, then grad school and God led me in the direction of working with kids...also something I never planned to do.  When I started out I wanted to work with adults with brain injuries in a hospital.  I got put in a school placement and fell in love with kids.  I also (years later - after I moved back to my hometown, began working for the school district I grew up in and God really got ahold of my heart) got led to go on a mission trip to Canada to help share the love of Jesus with native kids.  As many of you know, it was on that same mission trip I met my husband.  We have now been married just a little over a year. 

I would be lying if I said that Ruth was a planned baby. She wasn't.  She was, however, in God's wonderful plan for us, and was a very welcome addition to our lives.  (How could I be upset about a baby?!)  But what really caught me by surprise?  How much I LOVE being a mom. 

I have had some incredibly hard days since she was born, but I have also had some incredibly wonderful days.  There honestly has been no greater gift God gave me - other than the gift of my husband - than this little girl.  I have learned so much since she came into our lives.  God has used her to purify me more for His glory, and for that I am so grateful.  And - something else I thought I would never say - I hope and pray He will bless us with at least 2 more kids. 

So yes, I was caught by surprise.  But what a wonderful surprise it was. 

 

In Christ and with love,

Meg 



Dear Ruthie (part 2)

Dear Ruthie,

When you are in your little chair and you look up at me with your sweet little eyes, your eyes of innocence and love, my heart melts. When you are smiling and cooing at me and pretending to be shy I catch my breath... This will only last but a moment. When you are crying and nothing your dad or I can do consoles you my heart breaks - I so wish I could make everything ok (or know what was wrong). My sweet baby girl, I love you with all my heart. I always will. Even if I get frustrated and discouraged at times with your crying...with not knowing what to do. I would give you my heart if you needed it. I am so grateful to God that you are healthy. I am so grateful He gave you to us. I am sure He has an amazing plan for your life. I look forward to seeing what that is. You are already one of my best friends and I cherish moments with you. When it is quiet and it is just you and I in the morning and I am feeding you. When you are cooing on the changing table while I change your diaper. When you fall asleep in my arms. You are my joy. I adore you and praise our great God for the gift of you.

Love Always,
Mommy

Dear Ruthie...

Dear Ruthie,

I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. I wish I could make you understand the incredible gift you are to your dad and I. I see a beautiful, precious creation made by God, one we were gifted with and entrusted with to care for. I hope and pray daily that I do Him well by being your mom. That I can teach you about Him, His grace and about Jesus. That you will put your hope and trust in Jesus, love Him, follow Him, serve Him and teach others about Him.

Please have some grace for your dad and I. We try so hard, but we are not perfect and often fail and screw up and don't know what to do and this will probably go on your entire life. Just know that even in the middle of our mistakes and failures we truly desire to love you well and want what is best for you....even if you may not see it that way. We realize you will grow, change and develop your own opinions but we really do hope and pray that you will come to us with everything.

In these first two months of your life I have cried, laughed, gotten mad, felt lost and confused and loved you more fiercely than I thought possible. I have learned to be more patient, more selfless and to slow down. Thank you for teaching me that. I have so much to learn from you. I am already delighting to see you growing, changing, exploring and figuring out this world we live in. But it also grieves my heart knowing that you will all too soon be 18 and heading out the door into the real world. So I want to cherish these moments as much as possible. Having you was like God taking my heart and having it walk around outside of myself.

Do not ever forget how much we love you and are here for you. Even more importantly how much God loves you and is there for you. Keep on growing honey, but not too fast.... And always remember that even when you are 30, you will be my little girl.

Love Always with all my heart,
Mom

Welcome to the Circus

This has been my favorite phrase the last month and a half.  A MONTH AND A HALF!!  Our little peanut is over a month old already.

Now, I would like to tell you that everything has been just wonderful, gone smoothly and we have had no moments of confusion, crying or struggle...but then I would be lying.  The last month and a half has been both the best and worst of my life.

The things they never tell you.  Oh sure, you are warned about hormonal shifts, but you just don't know how bad the hormonal shifts are until you are going through it.  I cried every day for the first two weeks.  And the tears were not always because I was depressed or overwhelmed.  They were tears of joy, tears of love for this little being God gave us, too.  But there were also the tears because I was overwhelmed, didn't know what to do, wished she would stop crying.

I have literally felt like we were a circus half the time.  I started out with ideas about stuff - "We are going to be on a schedule!"  Yeah, no.  Now that she is over a month old, we are going to try to get on some sort of schedule a bit more, but that first month she needed love..she needed to bond with us.  Now, I did not hold her every second of every day, but I tried to hold her when I could.  To talk to her as much as I could.  The reward has been smiles and coos.  I love to see her smile and coo.

We are beginning to work on teaching her to fall asleep on her own.  The first night was awful.  She wouldn't settle down.  We had to go in every five minutes for almost an hour.  Last night was better and I am hoping that she will continue to do well with this.  I only want the best for her.

I have never leaned on Jesus as much as I have the last month and a half.  I think God gave her to us to show me how much I needed Him and to be focused on Him and cling to Him.  I am ok with that, too.  It is all part of the purification process.  Apparently I had a lot more purifying to be done.

It is now a brand new year, a brand new start.  I don't like resolutions, nor do I intend to make any.  I saw on another blog I follow that she picks a word - I think I will do that.  I will figure out a word for my year - one that I can focus on in a positive way.  The only other thing I desire for this year is a closer walk with Jesus.  Hope you all have a happy and blessed 2015.

In Christ and with love,

Meg