Right now, I just want to sit here and cry. Story of my life the last MONTH.
There are lots of reasons for the numerous tears...the Lord is working in my heart...I am anticipating getting married....yeah.
But in all honesty, I JUST WANT TO BE DONE. But I can't be. There is "too much to do".
If anyone would like to see my list...it is about a mile long. And when things get to be too much...I want to sit and cry. I kinda shut down and refuse to do things, then get more cranky because I have so much to do.
I am overwhelmed....
*I want time with Jesus...just Jesus. To just sit in His glorious presence and commune with Him...but then half the time I am so tired I can't muster up the energy, and the other half of the time the 8 million things I have to do whirl around in my head and I can't sit and just BE long enough...but oh how I crave and want time with Him. More than anything!
*I want to get so much stuff done for the wedding...I just want to plow through it all so it's DONE. But some of it can't be done right now.
*I miss Dan so much it literally kills me half the time. Distance = not fun.
*I worry about getting everything done.
*I am sick of all the expectations.
*I'm really glad I chose NOT to have any wedding showers...good gravy. I couldn't imagine throwing that on top of everything else.
*I need a break from work.
*I have Christmas lights and decorations to put up...but honestly? Would it really matter if ONE YEAR I did not put my tree up?? In all honesty yeah, it would probably make me sad. I love traditions. And I love Christmas lights. They are very soothing to me....so I probably really need that right now...
*Let's face it: I am just really looking forward to getting married. Then you won't see me for like, 2 weeks. Sorry people.
*Sleep is my best friend...one I feel will be less and less the closer we get to the wedding
*I can't lose anymore weight. And let me tell you - this weight loss was NOT intentional!! That is what stress does to me my friends.
*Christmas cards?? What's that?? Those will not happen this year...or else I really will have a breakdown.
*Did I mention that I have bills and a house to keep up??
Ok, I know. I am whining. Honestly, I am very grateful, and I KNOW the Lord will help me through all of this. I guess I just needed to get it out. In all honesty, when I step back and look at everything, there are two things I want: Jesus and Dan. I don't really care about much else right now.
So yeah....I hope to write on here at least one or two more times before the wedding....but no guarantees. I haven't been on here for quite some time as is. This will all get done, and all be ok. And then it will all just be a memory. I'm just tired and need a break.
In Christ and with love,
Meg
