Thank You

As I sit in the warm sun...the golden rays reaching the deepest parts of my joints I feel alive. And refreshed.  In this moment...I can feel You Jesus. You have been there all along, always waiting for me...never leaving me...even when I ignore You as I often do.  I'm so deeply sorry.

This morning at church we had a moment to sit and listen to You.  This is what You said to me,

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
 “For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
 “Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
 “Do not fear, for I am with you;..."  ~Isaiah 43: 1-5

Thank You. Thank You for that reminder.  And thank You for loving me despite my fears, failures, crabbiness at times and my ignoring of You.  I am for sure not worthy of Your love. But I honestly think it just makes me love You more.  Because even the greatest treasure in the whole world could not possibly add up to or compare to You....and all You have done for me?  How you have changed me, shaped me, saved me, refined me, purified me....why would you chose ME??  Who am I??  I am sure not anyone of significance.  But thank You.  And may I never forget this...and never forget to tell people how incredible Your gift to us was....

Love,

Meg

Sinking Like Peter

Lord, I took my eyes off of you and Your provision...and I sank like a rock. Sank like Peter did when he tried to walk on water towards You. 

There is a reason that story is in the gospels...it's to teach us a lesson. To teach us what we need to do...KEEP FOCUSED ON JESUS.  I did not do this. And the second I stop doing this, the worry...the fear...the panic...the needing to be in control begin to creep in...and I sink...

Your Word also says to NOT WORRY.  I fail at this. I worry. I want to control and plan.  In this process of worry, control and planning...I hurt people. I hurt my best friend in the whole world.  And this was never my intention. 

His problem is throwing logic away...mine is clinging to logic...as I tend to be rather free-spirited and illogical....but when I throw too much logic in there that's when I take my eyes off Christ, focus too much on me and what I want and how I need to take care of myself...and God's Word says NOT TO DO THIS.  I lack trust...

But I don't know how.

So I fall.

Down
down
d
o
w
n.....

"“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,  yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!  Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’  For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:25-34

Lord help me not sink like a rock....help me keep my eyes on You and trust Your provision, grace, strength and timing...You've never failed before....

Tears

Lord, I need You to hold me close, for You are all I have...my heart aches within me for comfort from You...comfort only You can give...

Lord, You know I have delighted in You...although I feel like lately I have not...this world, these worries and cares...they try to take me away from you...

I long to be with You...to feel You closer than anything...to hide with You somewhere no one can find us...Lord...hear the cry of my heart....draw near to me please...I need You....

Of course I come to You when I'm totally on my knees...when I have nowhere else to go...why do I not do this all the time? Even when I'm on the mountain top? This is really the desire of my heart...that no matter where I am I come to You like this...

Jesus, take this all from me...I cannot climb this mountain on my own...I need Your grace...I need more and more of You...

As warm tears flow down my face, it is amazing how healing they are to me....how full of release they are...how incredibly ordained this moment is.... It is as if the floodgates of all I have been holding inside for the last two weeks has been openend, and I am feeling a release...I am feeling uplifted slowly.....and it doesn't want to stop...

Your beautiful Word says that, "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" ~Psalm 56:8.  I love this...you collect my tears Jesus? You record them in a book?! This is amazing...it shows me that You even take my pain and keep account of it...because You care that much for me....

What do You use my collected tears for? I'm sure I have at least 1,000 bottles full of tears You have collected (if not more)...I'm sure You use them for good since You are only good...maybe that's where the rain that falls on the earth comes from....from tears you've collected....but I'm just guessing...I really don't know...my simplicity and ridiculouness shines forth once again...

Thank You Jesus, for Your healing tears...

Love Always and Forever,
Meg

Sometimes....

Sometimes, I feel as though I write and sort-of gloss over things...maybe am not as real as I would like to be....I have made a decision: I want to be more raw...more real with what I write....not that what I wrote before wasn't real...but it was a realness that was not as raw....so I hope to be more real and raw...and hopefully it will not scare you....but what is the point of writing if you just hide things?  Try to hide trials and feelings and emotions?  Being real is the best way to be....so here goes!!

In Christ,

Meg

Refiner's Fire

I was hoping to write something grand and amazing here, but I just don't have it tonight. 

Right now, I am believing in God's sovereign hand in everything, but it is hard.  And He has placed me in His refiner's fire yet again.  This is a familiar place for me.  I know it well - and it is a place I do not love, but yet at the same time, I do cherish it.

As a refiner of gold and silver places those precious metals in intense heat to allow the impurities to rise to the surface and be skimmed off so that what is left is a beautiful, pure, glowing substance, so the Great Refiner - Father God - puts us in His own version of intense heat.  It's just that this intense heat comes in different forms...maybe it is a trial, or something you need to wait and be patient for...or maybe it's an illness or challenging situation that you need to be in (AKA: all those coworkers you love to deal with... just kidding!!)  But whatever it is, God uses His own version of "heat" to draw impurities out of us...

He does not want to leave us where He found us...He wants to make us more and more into His image and see His reflection in us as the refiner sees his reflection in the gold or silver he purifies.  He wants to draw out bad attitudes, negativity, crabbiness, flying off the handle if things don't go how we want or people don't act how we want...he puts us through His affliction to make us grow...and so that we have unshakable faith.  So we ultimately glorify Him...

A few years ago I kept hearing patient endurance.  "What in the world God...?" I muttered.  Well He was teaching  me patient endurance....and sometimes I still have to relearn the lesson...

I don't detest the refiner's fire as I once did...probably because I look back on all those afflictions He allowed me to go through (and walked with me each step of the way, might I add), and I also look at how I respond to things now 90% of the time and I can SEE how He has changed me for His glory...so I always know it will have a good result. 

Hope was also a theme with me tonight.  Jesus very plainly said to me, You don't have to trust others...but you do have to trust Me.  Point well taken my Lord....And I have no reason to not trust Him as He has been nothing but faithful and good to me.  Then I began to ponder Aaron Shust's song, "My Hope is in You."  In that song he does not say, "My hope is in my job" or "My hope is in my physical fitness" or "My hope is in my spouse".  No.  He says, "My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long. I won't be shaken by drought or storm."  Jesus calls us to have our hope in Him alone, as He alone can save, satisfy and fulfill us. 

Refiner's fire.  If it will bring me closer to You, Jesus, and make me more into Your image, I will gladly walk through the fire with you.  After all, when you go into the fire with Jesus, you don't come out smelling like smoke.

In Christ,

Meg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugD0i5Y3cw8