Whom Shall I Fear?

"Fear not" is the most used command in the Bible.  So there is clearly a reason for that.  However, fear was something I struggled with for a long time.  Realistically, I still do at times - although definitely not as often or even as intense as it has been.  Jesus pretty much took care of that chain for me.  Yet there was a time in my life fear nearly paralyzed me. 

My dad was in a train accident when I was 13, and he almost died.  That event caused me a lot of problems, and one of those problems it created was fear. 

The list of the fears I had were long.  When I say long, I mean long.  This was more than just a "I'm scared of spiders" fear or "I can't stand heights!!", it was deep and intense, and quite irrational.  This would range from things like, "I'm afraid of failing my classes" to "I'm afraid to drive in bad weather because I might die".  Could I have failed my classes? I guess.  Could I drive in bad weather and die?  Yes.  However, the reaction these (and my many other fears) created were paralyzing and crippling.  That, my friends, is what fear does.  It robs us of what we have right now, where we are right now.  It takes away the beauty and gift of the moment.  It causes us to act in ways that are not "normal" or good. 

I had a tendency to "freak out" about certain things.  I would white-knuckle it in the car if I was driving or if I was with someone and I was scared about the weather conditions.  I also had a major fear of losing people.  Because of this fear, I didn't want people to get too close to me but yet at the same time I also craved that closeness.  It was brutal.  I didn't know what to do. 

January 2006 I ended up starting counseling to help me deal with the myriad of issues that had appeared due to my dad's accident.  That was also when I started to get closer to God.  I had believed in Jesus my whole life, but my relationship with Him was shallow at best.  My relationship with the Father was also shallow.  I am one of those odd cases who had a great relationship with the Holy Spirit.  Thinking about it now it's so weird to me that I did because the Holy Spirit is so unpredictable, and I needed to have order and control in my life or else the fear got really intense.  Whatever it was about Him did not scare me though, and it was because God knew this that He used Him to draw me closer to Himself.  The other thing that is funny about this is the fact that I don't think I was even fully aware of this.  I mean, I had always sensed this good "presence" around me - which was definitely the Holy Spirit - but it wasn't until God let me to start watching Joyce Meyer that I began to learn more about the Holy Spirit and Who He was. 

In January 2008 I recommitted my life to Christ - telling Him that my life was His and He could do with me what He wanted.  What was the first thing He wanted me to do?  Let go of my number one fear: the fear of not having control.  In my own mind I was thinking : Anything but THAT, Lord!! Please?!  But God showed me that if I let go of the control, He would be there to catch me.  At first, it was horrible. And terrifying.  I felt like I was in a hurricane all the time.  As if I really had any control in the first place?  Despite this, I (quite reluctantly) gradually let go of the control.  And God prooved to be Who His Word said He was.  He was faithful, and He always caught me. 

Through this whole process He also began to strengthen me in Christ.  Prior to this I was so weak. He had been slowly renewing my mind and showing me who I was in Christ over the last two years through His Word, but once I began to let go of controlling everything, the work really began.  I finally ended an almost 5 year relationship that had not been the best - a fault of both parties involved.  Jesus then had me all to Himself and He kept changing me over the last 4 and a half years. (More about those things another time... :o) ). 

Fear is really just what it is: False Evidence Appearing Real (quote from Joyce Meyer).  Yes, some of the things we are afraid of and worry about could happen, but in all honesty, most of the things that concern us never do come to pass.  "And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his life?" Matthew 6:27.  This is true.  Fear not, friends. God is bigger than any problem we could ever have.  He won't let you down. Even if it seems like what is happening is the worst possible thing in the world, He is faithful and true and will not let you down. 

"For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." ~Jeremiah 29:11

In Christ,

Meg