God's Faithfulness

I had a bad day.  Ok, it was more than one bad day, it was a FEW bad days.  My Lasik surgery on Wednesday had gone very well, but there had only been one little minor setback - when they cut the cornea on my left eye, I had gotten "corneal abrasion", which basically meant that some of the cells of the cornea didn't cut as cleanly so therefore while it was healing my vision in my left eye was a bit blury. Also because of this I had to get up every hour and put drops in my left eye to keep the inflammation down.  And by every hour I meant every hour including ALL. NIGHT. LONG.  That meant that I hadn't slept through the night since Tuesday, and it was Saturday and I was exhausted.

The lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll.  I was emotional, then I was emotion-less. I was grouchy. Oh my goodness was I grouchy.  I was a major space cadet as well.  Plus there was a good friend I wanted to talk to, but just couldn't because I was hurt by something that had happened.  Satan especially likes to mess with me when I'm tired, and that is exactly what he did...and had been doing since Wednesday.  I am talking major, oppressive spiritual warfare here.  I had three melt-downs on Wednesday...something that hasn't happened to me in a L O N G time...

Because I was so tired, I accepted anything he threw my way...not having the will or energy to fight back.  I'm pretty sure that for close to four days, satan just had a couple of oppressive little demons hanging around me, stealing my joy and peace and weighing me down.  I felt I was sinking down into this pit and it kept getting worse and worse...and I also had the worst time eating.  (Which, if you know me, you know is never a problem!!)  I needed Jesus but didn't know how to talk to Him at that moment. 

I went to French Meadow after my eye appointment on Saturday and I hated every single second I was there.  In all the years I have been going to French Meadow I have never EVER hated being there.  Usually I love the atmosphere, the people watching, the noise, the crowd...but not today.  I wanted to leave.  So as soon as the coffee was gone, I was too.  Going to Whole Foods wasn't any better. I swear, if you had seen me...wow.  I was one major space cadet.  I stood in the produce section, staring at the limes for about 5 minutes, trying to put a coherent thought together as to what I needed to buy for the week.  Finally, I gave up and conceeded to the fact that I would just get food in Owatonna if I needed to.  Blah - I hate shopping at the grocery stores down here! 

After going to the gym and finally coming home, I turned on some Hillsong, and feeling totally numb wrapped up in blankets and lay down on the couch.  I had no tears.  I was not angry.  I was empty. And tired.  Bascially every way that I was acting was completely contrary to me and who Christ had made me into these last few years. The happy, bouncy, joyful, easy-going yet intense me was nowhere to be found. 

I put drops in my eyes around 10 and had my alarm set for every hour starting at 11:30 (per usual), and then proceeded to fall asleep...for 2 and a half hours!!!  Or anyway I'm sure I did...I don't remember my alarm going off at 11:30 nor do I remember putting drops in...and after I woke up at 12:30 for the drops the same thing happened again...the next thing I knew it was 2:30 and I didn't remember waking up at 1:30...and I also couldn't find my bottle of drops...then I found it, I had fallen asleep with it in my hand at 12:30 when I woke up....oh such is my life...typical when I don't get "normal" sleep...ha.

Then came today...and that same, oppressive spirit was holding on.  Plus, it physically was making me feel icky.  Fortunately, I had three prayer warriors praying for me and around 4:30 this afternoon, as I was e-mailing and saying, "You should have seen me in the grocery store yesterday...I probably looked high..." I re-read what I wrote and lost it.  Like, full-out belly laugh for 15 minutes.  My stomach hurt and I was practically in tears I was laughing so hard.  I know that really isn't all that funny, but for some reason, it just hit me the right way, and I cracked up.  The first time I had laughed in days.  And that broke it. Then I started making other jokes, and a song came on my I-pod that made me want to groove and at long last, 5 crappy days of warfare were over.  Praise Jesus!!! 

So yes, the Lord is faithful...even when we feel we can't see it. Even when things seem hopeless.  He is there for us.  He won't let us down.  He's the only one Who will always come through.  Trust in Him and His promises.

"...be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down ( relax My hold on you)! [ Assuredly not!]" ~Hebrews 13:5

"Yet the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen [you] and set you on a firm foundation and guard you from the evil [one]." ~II Thessalonians 3:3

In Christ,

Meg