Now, I would like to tell you that everything has been just wonderful, gone smoothly and we have had no moments of confusion, crying or struggle...but then I would be lying. The last month and a half has been both the best and worst of my life.
The things they never tell you. Oh sure, you are warned about hormonal shifts, but you just don't know how bad the hormonal shifts are until you are going through it. I cried every day for the first two weeks. And the tears were not always because I was depressed or overwhelmed. They were tears of joy, tears of love for this little being God gave us, too. But there were also the tears because I was overwhelmed, didn't know what to do, wished she would stop crying.
I have literally felt like we were a circus half the time. I started out with ideas about stuff - "We are going to be on a schedule!" Yeah, no. Now that she is over a month old, we are going to try to get on some sort of schedule a bit more, but that first month she needed love..she needed to bond with us. Now, I did not hold her every second of every day, but I tried to hold her when I could. To talk to her as much as I could. The reward has been smiles and coos. I love to see her smile and coo.
We are beginning to work on teaching her to fall asleep on her own. The first night was awful. She wouldn't settle down. We had to go in every five minutes for almost an hour. Last night was better and I am hoping that she will continue to do well with this. I only want the best for her.
I have never leaned on Jesus as much as I have the last month and a half. I think God gave her to us to show me how much I needed Him and to be focused on Him and cling to Him. I am ok with that, too. It is all part of the purification process. Apparently I had a lot more purifying to be done.
It is now a brand new year, a brand new start. I don't like resolutions, nor do I intend to make any. I saw on another blog I follow that she picks a word - I think I will do that. I will figure out a word for my year - one that I can focus on in a positive way. The only other thing I desire for this year is a closer walk with Jesus. Hope you all have a happy and blessed 2015.
In Christ and with love,
Meg
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