Sometimes You Have to Lose It to Find It.

Yeah, I had to change the blog again.  I wanted something more simple.  Not all the crazy colors or backgrounds all over the place.  Just more simple.  More ME.

These last few months have been great but also challenging at the same time.  I have been learning a lot about myself, some things I quite honestly would have been fine with never knowing, but alas, all the garbage must go to the dump at some point...and I guess I'd rather deal than not. 

There have even been some things I thought were gone that have once again reared their ugly head.  First off, being completely paralyzed by fear.  It pretty much ended up consuming just about every area of my life.  Secondly, not feeling good enough.  Feeling as though I was never good enough for anyone, nor could I do anything right.  This led to major people pleasing, which also fed the fear I was feeling.  You can see the vicious circle.  The lovely, "I'm sorry for being me" crap has also decided to make an appearance, wearing a big hat with feathers.  Kidding, that's my sarcasm.

All this to say that today I sorta flipped.  I guess you gotta lose it to find it. 

The Lord made it clear to me today that I do not need to be what everyone else thinks I need to be.  I need to be me.  The Megan he created.  The one who loves wildflowers and coffee.  Who truly wishes she could be barefoot at all times.  Who loves to get dirty, but then get cleaned up and look cute.  Who...if given the chance...would probably move to Maine or Vermont in some tiny little town and live the simplest, quietest life possible.  And eat lots of locally grown produce and meat.  I do not need the approval of others.  I just need Him and His approval.  These things are silly and I know this, but I like them.  And I won't apologize for it.

I may not be what the world thinks I should be, or act how the world thinks I should act, but the Lord is working on me.  I am a work in progress. He loves me.  There will always be flaws and imperfections and mistakes and cake that will be eaten when I just feel like eating cake, and there are probably all manner of silly things that I like and will always like, but all in all, the Lord has a plan and His plans are more so to make me more like Him and give me more of His heart.  So for now, get out the construction cones to put up around me, because yeah, I am a WORK IN PROGRESS.  Actually, maybe one of those barricades with the flashing light would be better....I've always wanted one of those...but that's a whole different story entirely...

I think the beautiful thing here, is that no one can really KNOW my heart but Jesus.  People think they know me or can try to know me, but no one really knows what is going on inside of me...in the depths of my heart. In the secret places.

So friends, take courage.  Sometimes, we just have to lose it to find it.  Sometimes we have to cry in the bowl of soup so the Lord can strengthen us to stand tall against the world the next day (yes, I have done that).  And sometimes things happen so we can regain what we have always had...we just had to have a friendly reminder.

In Christ,

Meg