Lately

Lately I have been obsessed with being outside as much as I can be.  Especially since it isn't too hot out right now - extra bonus!!  I do love summer, minus the major heat and humidity, so the fact that the cooler weather must have decided to follow me back home from Canada is awesome.  Having the whole summer off could have something to do with it as well. :) 

Today I was blessed big time by a conversation at the gym with a friend.  I then was blessed to be able to pray for someone who is battling cancer.  I was even more blessed to get to come home and enjoy an iced coffee on my deck while reading devotions and enjoying the sun.  Then I got to have some wonderful time with my family.  And then finished the day off by talking to my love.  Thank You Lord, for this blessed day. 

In Christ,
Meg

Sometimes You Have to Lose It to Find It.

Yeah, I had to change the blog again.  I wanted something more simple.  Not all the crazy colors or backgrounds all over the place.  Just more simple.  More ME.

These last few months have been great but also challenging at the same time.  I have been learning a lot about myself, some things I quite honestly would have been fine with never knowing, but alas, all the garbage must go to the dump at some point...and I guess I'd rather deal than not. 

There have even been some things I thought were gone that have once again reared their ugly head.  First off, being completely paralyzed by fear.  It pretty much ended up consuming just about every area of my life.  Secondly, not feeling good enough.  Feeling as though I was never good enough for anyone, nor could I do anything right.  This led to major people pleasing, which also fed the fear I was feeling.  You can see the vicious circle.  The lovely, "I'm sorry for being me" crap has also decided to make an appearance, wearing a big hat with feathers.  Kidding, that's my sarcasm.

All this to say that today I sorta flipped.  I guess you gotta lose it to find it. 

The Lord made it clear to me today that I do not need to be what everyone else thinks I need to be.  I need to be me.  The Megan he created.  The one who loves wildflowers and coffee.  Who truly wishes she could be barefoot at all times.  Who loves to get dirty, but then get cleaned up and look cute.  Who...if given the chance...would probably move to Maine or Vermont in some tiny little town and live the simplest, quietest life possible.  And eat lots of locally grown produce and meat.  I do not need the approval of others.  I just need Him and His approval.  These things are silly and I know this, but I like them.  And I won't apologize for it.

I may not be what the world thinks I should be, or act how the world thinks I should act, but the Lord is working on me.  I am a work in progress. He loves me.  There will always be flaws and imperfections and mistakes and cake that will be eaten when I just feel like eating cake, and there are probably all manner of silly things that I like and will always like, but all in all, the Lord has a plan and His plans are more so to make me more like Him and give me more of His heart.  So for now, get out the construction cones to put up around me, because yeah, I am a WORK IN PROGRESS.  Actually, maybe one of those barricades with the flashing light would be better....I've always wanted one of those...but that's a whole different story entirely...

I think the beautiful thing here, is that no one can really KNOW my heart but Jesus.  People think they know me or can try to know me, but no one really knows what is going on inside of me...in the depths of my heart. In the secret places.

So friends, take courage.  Sometimes, we just have to lose it to find it.  Sometimes we have to cry in the bowl of soup so the Lord can strengthen us to stand tall against the world the next day (yes, I have done that).  And sometimes things happen so we can regain what we have always had...we just had to have a friendly reminder.

In Christ,

Meg

Great Big God - Part 1

I'm sure by now it's not much of a secret anymore...God brought me someone special.

I have been very quiet about this. I think there must have been about 30 people on Facebook that were shocked when I posted some pictures about two months ago because they had no idea.  I'm sorry, but I have honestly felt all along like the Lord wanted me to be quiet about it all.  And so did I. 

But really, as far as this whole thing goes, I have to give all the credit to our great big God. Because He's really the only way this could have happened. 

A year ago I literally had given up.  I decided I didn't care anymore about finding someone and getting married, and not long after that decision, I got distracted by guys again.  About a month after that, when I got really hurt, I impulsively joined E-Harmony.  I say impulsively for several reasons: first of all, I had been on E-Harmony off and on for about 3 years.  This despite the fact that the Lord had FLAT OUT TOLD ME that I would not meet my husband on there. (I need to learn to trust Him more, because I kept trying to take this matter into my own hands).  Then I had decided that I maybe should try E-Harmony again (despite the fact I had "given up") and felt like the Lord told me to wait until after Canada.  Impulsiveness took over and I didn't listen.

We had a soccer team from LAMP join us last year during our week in Sandy Bay.  I had known this for months, but I really didn't think anything of it.  Then, the week that we were getting ready to go up there, we had a picnic at my coleader's house, and he said that the team that would be joining us was all guys.  Again, as quickly as I heard that it left me.  I didn't even think about it.

The day to leave for Canada had come, and I excidedly drove up to Terriann's house and as soon as I got there, I shut my phone off and was tempted to chuck it into the woods permanently as well, but instead just left it on TA's kitchen counter for the next 10 days.  YES!! FREEDOM!!  As we were traveling up there, I was riding in one of the cars, and was getting teased a bit, "Megan...maybe you'll meet someone from the soccer team!"  I blew that off, too.  "No," I said. I really was doubting it.  I mean come on.  Every single time I had ever gotten my hopes up about something like that, it had fallen through. 

We got to Pelican Narrows, and unpacked and then the soccer team showed up.  I was really just going into the week with the: "they are my brothers in Christ" attitude.  After a little bit, before dinner, we went into the gym to kick a soccer ball around.  I just happened to be wearing my Minnesota Hockey t-shirt that day.

"Minnesota hockey?!" one of them said, in a making fun of me tone. 

"Well which team do you like?!" I asked. Hey - no one makes fun of my Gophers!

"Only the best team ever - Michigan Tech!" he answered.  Oh please.  HAHA

But that was the start.  That was all it took.  I instantly felt comfortable with this guy named Dan, and honestly with all of them, and thus began one of the best weeks of my life.

I first of all went to Sandy Bay last year with open hands.  Before this I had always just sat there and looked at all the things I was NOT - rather than just letting Jesus use me how He wanted and just operating out of peace and trust in Him.  In 2012 I was not doing that.  I think part of it was that I was so excited to get out of the states and get up there where no one could get ahold of me that I was just operating in a different place than I ever had.  I was just letting the Holy Spirit lead, guide and direct me....quite often in regards to everything I was doing...most of the things I let Him guide me on I didn't even realize until I got back to the states...and some of it was months and months later...

So right away, I had an interesting feeling about this whole time in Sandy Bay.  Right away, I knew it wasn't 2 of the single guys who were possibilities, but then there was Eric and Dan...I thought they were both really nice guys but I wasn't sure which one of them it was...and I kept feeling that the Lord was telling me to have open hands and He would show me and I also kept seeing this vision of a beautiful red rose bud that slowly opened.  It was as though God was telling me that this is what love was - this is how love developed...slowly and beautifully...

I do not feel as though I necessarily paid any special attention to any of the guys on the team, I was coming at the whole thing with the attitude: "they are my brothers in Christ".  But Dan....there was something about him. 

I think I knew it after three particular events happened.  The first one was during one of our "Extreme Dishwashing Competitions".  The first day, Stefan was washing dishes and Dan was helping dry.  I started talking to them, and then decided that if I was going to stand there I may as well help. Then Eric came up and pretty soon, we all began "fighting" over the dishes.  At one point, Dan (the cheater!) grabbed my waist and moved me out of the way like I was just a feather.  I was so shocked he did that and then I also was shocked that I wasn't upset.  I really am very selective with who I let touch me, and the fact I let a guy I had known for 2 days grab my sides and move me and I didn't get upset about it spoke volumes to me.

The second one was when we sat up until midnight and talked.  I had asked him his testimony, and so then just the two of us sat in the kitchen and talked for about two and a half hours.  I just saw him in a different way at that point than I think I had (or anyone else had) all week.  There was just something about that time that the Lord did something in my heart towards him.  After we were done talking, we walked down the hall together and came to the split in the hallway where I would go to the girl's room and he to the boy's room.  He then walked with me to the door of the girl's room.  Small and "insignificant" I know, but it meant a lot to me.

The third one was something I will never forget.  At the end of the VBS on Thursday, all of us were in the hallways, trying to get the kids out and Dan said something to me, and I will never forget the intense feeling I felt when I looked at him.  I had to look away and was thinking to myself, Lord, what WAS that?! 

God had this all planned from the beginning....after all, He does know what He is doing....and I will explain the rest of the Great Big God story in another post...

In Christ and with love,

Meg