Over the last 10 years, the Lord has changed me so much, that if you knew me then, you would probably hardly know me now. He has freed me from things I didn't think would ever go away. He has changed my heart attitude in regards to many things. From big things to silly things. For example, there are some secular songs and artists I can stand...but the majority of them I just can't. Even being in the presence of that music for too long makes my skin crawl. This has changed from the girl who used to go to bars (not all the time, mind you, but almost monthly), or night clubs. Then that music never bothered me, but now I can't stand it. Nor can I stand the bar atmosphere. Again - not as though I went there a lot, but I just don't like it. (Although now that I'm writing this...I could see a potential witnessing opportunity....hmmmmm. That's for another time though...)
Believe it or not, the Lord has also majorly broken me from a lot of materialism. I used to put so much stock in the things I owned. Now I appreciate, am thankful for and am content with the things I own. For example, the fact that I have an I-phone. I feel blessed that I have it. It is not the central part of my life. When I go out to dinner with someone, I don't stare at my phone more than them or anything. But I do appreciate it. And am thankful for it - as odd as that may sound. Yes, I like to wear make up (probably always will) but I am no longer ashamed of going without make up. In fact, I have started something I like to refer to as : "No make up Wednesday". Every Wednesday I choose to not wear make up to remind myself that the heart is what matters. I do enjoy clothes, and honestly (once again) I probably always will...I enjoy looking nice. Not over the top, but nice. But I don't spend a significant amount of my income on clothes anymore. I also make sure to dress modestly. Another major heart change. Not that I ever dressed immodestly...but I guess now I make sure to really take care in what I wear, so as not to reveal too much of my body.
All this being said, I am struggling. Struggling with me. Struggling with change. Questioning if I really can walk the walk and talk the talk. Unsure of anything, really. I guess I don't know. Ultimately Jesus is the only one Who knows. I trust that He will light and guide my path. Wherever that may be. He will change my heart in the areas that need to be changed, when they need to be changed. The Holy Spirit will convict me and prompt me to change and empower me to do so. I have no doubt about that, as I have seen Him do it so many times.
But for now, I don't need to have all the answers. I don't need to know everything. I just need to continue to get to know Him. If people can't tell I'm different right now, doing what I do, living the life I'm blessed to live because I'm a Christian, how would they tell I'm a Christian if I made drastic changes?? Because regardless of what the outside looks like, if the inside doesn't glow with the light of Christ, no one will see Him in me anyway. Make up or no make up. Living where I live now or a hut in Africa. Drinking coffee or no coffee. Driving a BMW or a beater. (Just kidding - I'd never drive a BMW. I'm a Chevy girl all the way. Or one of those ancient VW vans...that'd be cool.) The heart is what counts. And as long as I have the right heart attitude, and am not making idols out of the things I enjoy, I believe that's what Jesus really wants. So I'll continue to check my heart and check with Him. And go from there.
In Christ,
Meg
